Saturday, December 17, 2005
12 weeks tomorrow =)
My baby is 2 1/2 to 3 inches long, the size of a medium goldfish. He weighs about one ounce.He is shorter than a finger, but his face is already showing individual features and characteristics! His ears are now developed enough that he may be able to hear when I sing, hum, or talk. And his vocal cords will form this week - soon he'll be able to sing back.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Now entering Psycho Preggo Phase
I'm a total nutcase lately. I'm getting mad over little things, and crying my eyes out over even smaller things. I want to sleep for days on end. Finally got a doctor's appointment for Dec. 5th so that'll be fun: pee in a cup, get poked for blood, and be violated for a transvaginal ultrasouind. Be asked a million questions, and all the while try NOT to have a panic attack just because I'm in a doctor's office, pregnant, and still in the 1st trimester. My trip to GA last week for Thanksgiving went well. I didn't feel sick at all while I was gone, but it's back in full force now that I'm home. Maybe it's FL that makes me sick, and not pregnancy.Friday, November 18, 2005
8 weeks
Here's the scoop on the newest mini-me... which, for the record, I am hoping will not be a mini-me at all.. I think I'mlong overdue for a Mama's Boy!My baby has a face! The baby's features are becoming more predominant as his lips, tongue and nostrils, as well as the buds for 20 baby teeth are already present. The back muscles are growing along the spinal column, and his or her reproductive organs have started to form and soon will become either testes or ovaries. The arms and legs are growing while elbows and knees appear as well. The fingers and toes are starting to show but are still webbed. My baby is about 8 - 11 mm or 0.31 - 0.43 inches in length.
The process of ossification (hardening of the bones) begins as the bones of the fingers and toes have already reached the first joint. He is already getting smarter as his brain continues to develop and grow. The baby starts to show signs of reflex activity - an automatic response to certain types of stimuli. Connecting me and baby, the umbilical cord with all its blood vessels, are starting to function. In fact, what will be his intestine is forming in the umbilical cord as well. An ultrasound done this week would show a fluttering heart and reflex movements.
I'm going through so much lately. Pregnancy-related for some but not all of it. I'm "okay" with having a baby, but I've suddenly developed this fear... I'm scared I'm not doing the right things in my life. I worry every day about little things that I shouldn't worry about AT ALL, or little things that I shouldn't worry about YET. I've gone on and on about how reliable my "gut instincts" have been for me over the past year. Now, they're either clouded over by pregnancy hormones, or failing me completely.
I feel so very alone. I still haven't told my parents that I'm pregnant. I'm not sure when I will. I thought about writing them a letter, but I can't seem to pick up a pen. I talk to Phil for like 5 minutes a day IF I'm lucky... That in and of itself causes some unhappy emotions, but I REFUSE to be the clingy, needy, whiney girlfriend who requires ALL eyes on me. That's not me, and I hate to come across that way. But damn it!
Quite frequently over the past month, I've thought of one line from the song "Brick" by Ben Folds Five:
"Now that I have found someone I'm feeling more alone than I ever have before..."
But now I feel like the girl in the song, which I could never relate to before. Here's the whole thing. I'll add the mp3 at a later time.
6 am day after Christmas
I throw some clothes on in the dark
The smell of cold
Car seat is freezing
The world is sleeping
I am numb
Up the stairs to the apartment
She is balled up on the couch
Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte
They're not home to find us out
And we drive
Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
They call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot
Then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
As weeks went by
It showed that she was not fine
They told me son, it's time to tell the truth
She broke down, and I broke down
Cause I was tired of lying
Driving home to her apartment
For a moment we're alone
Yeah she's alone
I'm alone
Now I know it
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Monday, November 07, 2005
Pregnancy journal
I am a very big fan of blogs, so I thought that keeping a journal of my pregnancy would be a new twist on my hobby. I decided to keep it separate from my personal blog for... well... personal reasons. :) Ya know, this baby was not at ALL planned or expected. But every day I become more at peace with the idea. This baby was conceived with love, and I'll leave that statement as it is. We won't psychoanalyze this. It's a baby. A living, breathing human being. Ok so she doesn't breathe yet... but she is very much alive.So here's where we begin.
Week 7!
Baby still has a tail but is also beginning to form a digestive tract, lungs, nostrils, hands and feet, and a bump of a mouth. The liver, tongue, and lenses of baby's eyes are forming. There are beds for baby's fingernails, and the buds of teeth are forming in the gums.
As for me, I've had morning sickness 24/7 for about a week. But today was the first time I actually threw up. I'm tired, and I can not get enough sleep. I usually fall asleep myself while laying down in bed with Abby to get her to fall asleep.
I'm still very scared of patterns repeating themselves. My first and third pregnancies were miscarried. I've often said in the past that my body rejects odd-numbered pregnancies, and this is number five. Then again... it was just two weeks ago that I mentioned to a friend that I was done having babies. I've got two, so I'm already outnumbered.
Lots to do today. Ugh is it nap time yet?